Beauty and the Snark
by HouseAddiction
Summary: House and Cuddy make bets with each other...Consequences are pretty unique...House realizes just how hard being nice really is...XD Read and review PLEASE! And no flames. Gracias! HUDDY
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Beauty and the Snark

**Authors:** angcatalonan and HouseAddiction

**Pairing:**

**HA:** House/Cuddy  
**ac:** QUESTION!!! _raises hand_ Can we have Wuddy here too as a rival pairing?  
**HA:** Sure thing. As long as it fits…and we should be able to use it to cause some Huddy drama…XD

**Timeline:**

**ac:** AU?  
**HA:** I'm pretty sure…It doesn't really parallel to anything I don't think…and if it does, we'll change it later. For now, it is AU.

**Summary: **

**ac:** House and Cuddy had a bet…consequence is pretty cool. opens mouth to tell everyone the terms of the bets  
**HA:** NO!!!! Don't tell them! That should be a secret!!! XD

**Disclaimer: **

**ac:** I don't have anything to do with House MD. But I definitely want to----you?  
**HA:** I am the original writer of House MD. I take all the credit for everything and all you people who have been using MY characters are going to be fined!!! XD JK I don't own anything. Promise.  
**ac: **Sweet.

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**CHAPTER 1**

**If I could reach the stars I'd pull one down for you**

**Shine it on my heart so you could see the truth**

"Bilirubin is finally spiking back up to normal levels," Chase said.

"There will no longer be a need for a liver transplant. You saved the liver, all right," Foreman replied.

"Case solved," said Cameron in her best congratulatory voice and closed the patient's chart.

**That this love I have inside is everything it seems**

Foreman and Cameron exchanged meaningful looks.

**But for now I find it's only in my dreams**

Chase cleared his throat but failed to drag House back to reality.

**That I can change the world  
I would be the sunlight in your universe  
You will think my love was really something good  
Baby if I could change the world**

House was tapping his good foot to the beat of Eric Clapton's "Change the World" while pretending to listen to what Cameron was saying when he saw a beautiful pair of black leather heels invade his line of vision along with a slender body clad in a tight fitting two-layer tank top and a pencil skirt.

_Showing off with the twins again…will she ever learn? _

**If I could be king even for a day  
I'd take you as my queen I'd have it no other way**

House smiled, although he knew that Foreman had just said something that should have been offensive to him. He just continued to watch the woman that had caught his attention for the first time that day.

She smiled occasionally at doctors that had passed by her and gave a nod to patients that didn't even know who she was. She pulled her skirt down to straighten the wrinkles that had formed due to her quick stride. He watched as Wilson caught up to her to show her a chart.

**And our love will rule in this kingdom we have made  
Till then I'd be a fool wishin' for the day**

She took it from Wilson, looked at it, and then gave him her opinion on it. Wilson nodded in approval. She gave him a light reassuring pat on his arm. Wilson smiled back at her.

_Really charming. _House rolled his eyes.

She turned around after Wilson retreated back to his office and caught House staring at her through the glass walls of the Diagnostics Department. He was slightly shocked when she caught him but then he was able to react faster than she expected him to.

**That I can change the world**

He winked at her.

**I would be the sunlight in your universe**

She glared at him and shook her head. Obviously her mood changed faster than a second ticking by in his wristwatch.

**You will think my love was really something good**

House pulled one of the earphones from one of his ear and grabbed his cane to get up. He pushed the power button on his iPod. Eric Clapton's voice started to fade into the background as he made his way to the door and to the woman he so wanted to annoy.

**Baby if I could change the world  
**

"Cuddy! Cuddy!"

**Baby if I could change the world**

She quickly turned around at the sound of her surname being yelled out behind her. She already knew who it was before she saw him.

House was making his way down the hallway faster than she would have thought he could. She decided that it would be better not to wait for him and just arched an eyebrow before continuing to walk down the hallway.

"Dr. Cuddy!" He tried to catch up to her after leaving the Scooby-Gang hanging and puzzled. She continued to ignore him. "Hey, Sexy Ass! Talk to me."

She faced him angrily. "Don't sexy ass me, you moron." She quickly turned away again.

"Cuddy," House said with a much softer voice, almost pleading with her.

She faced him angrily again and said. "DON'T CUDDY ME!"

"What? You think this cold treatment you're giving me will actually work against my sizzling hotness?"

She didn't even looked at him as she pushed the elevator button at the end of the hall. They waited in silence as the elevator door opened. She was about to walk into it when House barred the doorway with his entire body. There was no way for her to get in there unless she wanted to physically plow past him. She couldn't trust him to be discreet about their bodies brushing against each other. Cuddy stood there weighing the pros and cons before deciding to try and get past him.

She tried three times and could not get past his greater size and stature. House gave her a look of pure triumph. Cuddy just glared at him before deciding to take the stairs. As she strode down the hallway, she heard his footsteps behind her. He was still following her!

She stopped abruptly and turned around, nearly smashing her nose into his chest. House looked amused. She had had enough. She looked down the hallway to make sure the coast was clear before pulling him into the nearest utility closet.

The closet was small and dark and they were standing mere inches away from each other. Cuddy reached out and locked the door.

"Utility closet, huh? Very Chameronic. Got any ideas?" House teased, but quickly shut his mouth. The lights didn't have to be on for him to see the anger blazing in her blue eyes.

"No? Well, that's ok. I have a few ideas of my own." He began to inch toward her. She quickly turned on the lights.

House flinched at the sudden burst of light. "Awww... my ideas will work so much better in the dark," he said. He made to turn of the lights but she slapped his hand away.

"Keep your hands away from the light switch and don't even _try_ to feel me up, House," she snarled at him.

"What did I do now?" he asked, using his best 'I'm-an-innocent-cripple' face.

He thought he saw a tear almost fall down from her eyes before she brought her palm up to her face. "My assistant resigned. AGAIN."

"My condolences."

"For the second time this week--"

"I don't know what to say."

"--and the sixth time this month. You're unbelievable."

"You're blaming me?"

"Yes! Why the hell are you harassing my assistants?!"

"I'm not harassing them!"

"The first one I had, you diagnosed with some kind of cancer that she doesn't have _just_ so she would retire."

"She used to have cancer. Ask Wilson."

"It was Wilson who told me she doesn't have---_never had_ cancer."

"The poor old woman _wanted_ to retire. She told me she was tired of working for you and had been trying to retire for some time now. Just let her go. Let go, Cuddy."

"The one before this one I had to fire because he almost punched you and broke your nose."

"I'm still trying to figure out why you had to hire a bodyguard."

Cuddy's eyes narrowed. She put her hands on her hips. "This last one told me that you wouldn't leave her alone until she gave you a copy of the keys to my office. When she didn't give it to you, you showed up in her apartment and held her cat for ransom until she gave in!"

He looked at her with a bemused expression on his face. "She told you that? She fabricates good stories. Almost sounds like me. You should make her work in Pediatrics. All the children would love her stories. She sounds creative enough."

Cuddy pinched the bridge of her nose. "Why are you doing this to me?"

He smiled meaningfully. "Doing what to you?"

"I just received the forty-eighth patient's complaint about a grumpy doctor with a cane from the clinic. Why is it so hard for you to get along with other human beings? Why is it so hard for you to be good to make my job a little easier? It's not supposed to be this hard…" Cuddy ranted.

"Because _people_ are always trying to make me act like someone I'm not. And some _people_ get suspicious when I do act differently. So it's best to act how I always do so that certain _people _know what to expect."

Cuddy rolled her eyes and exhaled sharply as he stressed each "people" as if it was an indirect reference to Cuddy.

"It's not my job to please everybody. It's not wrong to be good on the inside and not on the outside."

Cuddy frowned, obviously not believing him. Then she sighed, "What would it cost me if I asked you to be kind to another individual---I mean_ every_ individual--- you have to interact with for the next week? No harsh bluntness, annoying stunts and childish experimentation at the expense of another. What do I have to do?"

"Are you proposing a bet? Between me and you?"

Cuddy looked at him straight in his eyes challengingly.

**That I can change the world  
I would be the sunlight in your universe  
You will think my love was really something good  
Baby if I could---**

Nearly twenty minutes had passed before the door to the utility closet opened. House stepped out first, gallantly holding the door for the Dean of Medicine. Cuddy quickly strode toward the stairs as House shut the door behind him. As he made his way back to his office, all the nurses stared at him.

**---change the world**

He was smiling so wide, so triumphantly, they had no idea what to do. They just stood there, speechless.

**Baby if I could---**

As she walked toward the elevators, Cuddy was speechless. Did she actually just agree to…? Cuddy's eyes widened and she stifled a groan.

**---change the world**

The maintenance man stood outside the utility closet with his ear pressed to the door. The Dean and the hospital jack-ass were in there…yelling…Well actually, only the Dean was yelling, which made it easier to hear what was going on. As the conversation went on gradually his eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open. He heard the handle jiggle and hustled around the corner, quickly wheeling his garbage can behind him. He made it around the corner with thirty seconds to spare to catch his breath before the click of heels on linoleum grew louder. Dr. Cuddy came around just then. She nodded to him and he gave her a faint, knowing smile, causing her face to turn bright red, including her ears.

As the doors closed, Cuddy leaned against the cool, metal behind her. Did that man hear everything that happened? No…he couldn't have…but they had been talking relatively loud…

--------------------

**Authors' Notes**

**AC**: Yes, we made use of a cute reference to the Chamerons and a mockery of the utility closet scene… I loved the idea… ain't it genius?

**HA**: All right guys…that was the first chapter of our fic. What do you all think? Please review. I'd love to know, as would AC. Also for everyone who reads Desperation, I'm so sorry I haven't updated that. Thyla, I love you and got your review. I'm sorry I haven't updated. I haven't had any time to write it, what with school, trying to get this fic up, and beta-ing fics, I've been a little behind. But hopefully Chapter 11 should be written and typed soon…soon meaning after my final exams all right?

Oh and if anyone can think of a good title, please let us know. We both were having trouble picking one…Unless you like the one that we already have.

Love to all!

**ac:** Ciao! R and R, everyone. he-he! **HA**---this is superb!


	2. Chapter 2

**A note from HA: Hello everyone and welcome to chapter 2 of Beauty and the Snark! A few things before we start! XD **

**Thanks to HOUSEM.D.FanForever, Little Horatio, Teresa B, LindafromItaly, AngelEyes2332, ButterNJam, The Huddy Lover, thyla, Triple V, Shikabane-Mai, Eleanor J, Buba, PaulaAbdulChick2007, Charlie Winchester, MJ, cowgirl123, Gaby, Huddyalways-24-BK-MA, Vodka Martini, mo, SavvyKitten, dcloverz, JAVAJUNKiE011, and ibreak4CSI!**

**Also special thanks to SavvyKitten for pushing and pushing me to finish this! XD Can we talk now? XD And now YOU BETTER UPDATE!!!!!**

**Well enjoy the chapter!**

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CHAPTER 2

Cuddy couldn't stop thinking about House.

She sighed harshly. She had been lying in her bed for more than an hour trying to fall asleep but to no avail. She just couldn't get that bastard out of her head.

What had possessed her to place a bet with him? What had possessed her to accept his terms? Cuddy put her head in her hands. Sure, he'd probably crack before she did, but still…what the hell was she thinking?

-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-

"_Are you proposing a bet? Between you and I?"_

_Cuddy looked at him defiantly. "Yes. Gregory House, I bet that you can't go one whole week without being a stubborn, arrogant ass."_

_House stared at her, trying to see whether this was a joke, but clearly she wasn't playing around. She was dead serious. Slowly House grinned. "All right. I accept your bet, Dr. Cuddy. In return, I bet that you cannot say 'yes' to every single one of my demands for an entire week."  
_

_Cuddy's mouth dropped open. "Wait, Hou–" _

"_A bet's a bet, Cuddy. You can back out now but then I automatically win." House grinned mischievously. "And I don't think that you're going to like what you're going to have to do when I win."_

"_Really, House, what's the worst you can do?"_

_House just smirked. "When I win, you have to jump into the hospital pool–"_

"_God, House, is that best you can do?"_

"–_Naked."_

_Cuddy's jaw dropped open. "Wha–"_

"_You heard me."_

_Cuddy glared at him. "Fine. I agree to the terms. But when _**I** _win, you have to do the same–"_

"_You'd like that wouldn't you?" he interrupted. "You'd force a poor old cripple to jump butt-naked into the icy pool water to satisfy all of your wicked fantasies?"_

"_You bet your ass I would, and you have to do double clinic hours for a month."_

_House groaned. "Why do you always use clinic duty in these kinds of things? Can't you use something else like…money? Or sex? Sex is even better…Ooh…that gives me better ideas for what you can do when you lose…"  
_

"_NO WAY, HOUSE! A bet is a bet. You can't just change the terms now. I've already agreed to them. Now it's just you. Those are the terms that have been set. Take it or leave it."_

"_You evil, cunning woman. Ahh…fine. It's a bet. Do we have to shake on it or something?" He held out his hand to Cuddy and she gripped it, her clasp surprisingly strong._

_She made to leave the closet but he held fast. "House, wha–"_

"_Oh and by the way, when I said you had to say 'yes' to all of my demands, I did mean _all_ of them. From my craziest medical procedure request to my wildest sexual request, you have to say 'yes' to _**everything**." 

_He paused for a moment to let his words sink in. Her eyes widened and a faint blush crept into her cheeks._

"_Uh…House there are some things that I absolutely _can't_ say 'yes' to."_

"_Oh I know."_

"_So…?"_

"_Then you'll just have to lose."_

"_Uh, no way in hell, House."_

_House sighed dramatically. "Fine. The only way you can say 'no' to me would be to have someone else do it for you."_

"_Good. Thank God."_

_House smiled wickedly. "But seriously, think about it, Cuddy. Let's say, for example, I asked you whether you could dress up in a squirrel suit and give me a blow job in the middle of the hospital lobby during rush hour. Your first answer would be…"_

"_NO!"_

"_Right! But because you can't say 'no' to me because of our bet, you would either have to say 'yes' or go to…say…Wilson, and tell _**him**_ to come and tell me that 'no you do not want to dress up in a squirrel suit and give me a blow job in the middle of the hospital lobby during rush hour. How awkward would _**that**_ be?"_

"_I could just tell him to say 'Cuddy says no.'"_

"_Ahh, but that's where you're wrong, Cuddles._ _Wilson is the most inquisitive little oncologist on the face of the planet. He's not going to tell me anything without asking you a shit load of questions first."_

_Cuddy sighed. "I'll just deal with that when I have to."_

_House grinned wickedly and was about to open the closet door when Cuddy's voice stopped him. "Uh…House?" He turned back to her to see her smirk. "You do know that when I said you have to be nice to everyone, I do mean_**everyone**_…in every aspect of the word 'nice'. You have to hold doors open, compliment people…this means no sarcastic remarks of _**any**_ kind. You even have to offer to by Wilson lunch because that would be the _**nice**_ thing to do, considering you steal his lunch everyday."_

_House gasped dramatically. "Wait! Nooooo! I have to buy Wilson lunch? I can't DO that! He'd take advantage of it by making me do other things like buy him coffee, or worse…" House's eyes widened in horror, "make me go tie shopping with him!"_

_Cuddy grinned evilly. "And there's nothing you can do about it because that would be rude."_

"_Right. We'll see about that." House winked at her and swung the door open. "After you, Dr. Cuddy," he said with a gallant sweep of his arms. He probably would have bowed down to her too if it hadn't been for his leg. Cuddy just rolled her eyes._

_She stopped mid-stride. "The bet officially begins tomorrow so you better get all the mischief and sarcasm out now."_

"_I most certainly will."_

-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-

Cuddy bit her lip. And he most certainly did. He skipped out on his clinic hours even _after_ she hunted him down. He stole Wilson's lunch, tripped two nurses with his cane _accidentally_ and bothered her for nonsensical things every five minutes.

She lay back on her pillow and closed her eyes. _Well at least it's over._ She was really looking forward to the next week of peace and quiet. She looked at her clock.

11:00.

Cuddy smiled lightly at the thought of House being nice. What a wonderful thought.

As pleasant thoughts ran through her mind, Cuddy gradually fell into a light sleep.

-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-

Greg House could not sleep.

And that wasn't anything abnormal. At least two nights a week he had trouble falling asleep which was the cause of the ever present dark rings and bags under his eyes.

However, this night was different. It wasn't that he couldn't sleep because of nothing. No, there had been one thing on his mind the entire night.

How the hell was he going to survive being…nice?

House gulped. Sure it was one thing to compliment some people and put a handle on his sarcasm but Cuddy wanted the entire package. She wanted him to be…

Chivalrous.

Oh God.

He'd have to hold doors open, help little old ladies cross the street and…stop looking down Cuddy's blouse because it was _impolite_. House growled. That was his favorite way to pass the time when she was yelling at him for skipping clinic duty.

House's eyes widened. Shit. He wouldn't be able to skip clinic duty either. He resisted the urge to smack himself with his cane. He probably should have thought about this a little bit more carefully than he did.

And there was no way to get out of it either. He'd have to go through with it or lose.

Losing was not even an option anymore. He didn't think he was ready for Cuddy to see the House Love Machine yet, considering whenever she was around, she caused certain things to happen to him that seemed to be _completely_ involuntary.

He had to think of a plan. The only way he'd win was if he made Cuddy lose first. House grinned wickedly as a plan began to form in his mind.

-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-

Cuddy awoke with a jolt as her phone began to ring incessantly. She frowned. It was still dark outside, which meant that she couldn't have been sleeping for long. She turned to the clock and groaned.

11:30.

She'd only been sleeping for a half an hour? And she'd been having such a nice dream too. In it, she had been treating a patient and she needed a consult. So she phoned House, who had been in the clinic at the time….willingly. When he had walked in, he'd been wearing his white doctor's lab coat and said, "Nurse Brenda said you needed me, Dr. Cuddy?"

She decided to ignore the phone, rolled over and tried to fall back asleep. After a minute, the phone stopped ringing and she sighed contentedly. However, her happiness didn't last long.

The phone began to ring again. Whoever it was really wanted to talk to her…or bother the hell out of her.

She grabbed the phone and thrust it to her ear. "Hello?" she growled.

"Um…"

"Who the hell is this?" she asked, barely keeping the annoyance from her voice.

"Disasters Operator, ma'am. Good evening."

Cuddy rolled her eyes, recognizing the voice right away. "House, what are you doing? Do you know what time it is?"

"Um…no. And I don't know what you're wearing either. Ooh! Are you wearing the white silk or the red lingerie?"

"Neither."

House's eyes widened. "Ooh. The Dean of Medicine sleeps in the nude?" He gasped. "You minx! But thank you for answering that because now I'll be able to imagine you more clearly as you talk to me."

Cuddy sighed. "Did it even occur to you before you called that I might be sleeping?"

"Nope. Sex goddesses don't sleep. Duh!"

She bit back a grin. "That's really quite flattering but seriously, House. What do you want? I want to go back to sleep. Unlike you, I actually have to get up early to reach work on _time_."

"I'm always on time!" replied House indignantly.

"Yeah, right. And I pee standing up."

"No way! I'd really like to see you do that sometime."

"House–"

"I can't sleep."

"That's nothing new! But you decided today that if you couldn't sleep, I couldn't sleep either?" 

"Oh for all I know you weren't really sleeping."

"Oh really? Then what was I doing if I wasn't sleeping?"

"You were thinking and praying that you'd find a way to beat me. You're not going to win, you know."

"House, you seriously think that I'm losing sleep over the fact that I think I'm going to _lose_?"

"Um…" House paused for a moment. "Yeah. 'Cause your chance of winning is like a snowball's chance in hell."

Cuddy smirked. "House, you're not going to win this bet. _You're _the one that's going to lose for the sole reason that you can't be nice to _anyone_."

House chuckled triumphantly. "But that's where you're wrong, Cuddle Muffin. I can be the perfect gentleman. I just _choose_ not to be one."

Cuddy snorted. "I don't even think you know the meaning of the words 'perfect gentleman.'"

House grinned and quickly looked at the time. "Cuddy, can you cancel my clinic hours tomorrow?" he asked sweetly.

"What? House! What does that have to do with anything? N–"

"Ah, ah, ah…Cuddy, I suggest you look at the time before you answer that question."

Cuddy glared into the phone and turned to look at her clock. She groaned.

12:01 AM.

"Damn it, House! This was your plan all along, wasn't it?"

"Yep. Evil and conniving, isn't it? So what do you say? No clinic tomorrow?"

"House–"

"Come on, Cuddy. It's not that hard. All you have to do is say yes or no."

"I'm going to bed, House. Good night." She was about to hang up on him when the sound of his voice stopped her.

"So I guess you forfeit, Cuddles." 

Cuddy quickly brought the phone back to her ear. "What!"

"You not answering is an automatic 'no'." Cuddy growled into the phone. "I really am a nice guy. So as soon as you answer, I'll let you get back to bed."

_How could I have gotten myself into this? _Cuddy asked herself.

"12:03 am, Cuddle Bear. Yes or no?"

She sighed. "Argh…fine."

"Thank you, Dr. Cuddy," replied House with glee. "You don't know how happy I am."

"House, as soon as this bet is over, all the clinic hours that you skip out on will be added back so I suggest you don't try to get out of them again."

House frowned. "That's not very nice of you." 

"I don't have to be nice. You do," Cuddy said with a smile. "Well now that I answered your question, I'm going to bed. Good night, House. I expect to see you at the hospital on time."

"But Cuddy!" House whined. "I never wake up that early."

"Well you're going to have to set an alarm then."

"Can you please pick me up for work tomorrow?"

"What? House!"

"What? That's the only way I'll be able to get up on time!" 

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Fine. Be ready by 8:30," she said with a yawn.

"Ok. Thank you, Dr. Cuddy. Oh and one more thing. I haven't been eating well and Wilson said that I've been looking a little bony. Could you please pick up some breakfast and coffee when you're coming?" 

No answer.

"Hey! Cuddy? Are you listening to me?"

Still no answer. House paused a moment and heard a light snore. Cuddy was asleep.

"Hello? Cuddles? Hello!!!!"

-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-ac-HA-

**angcatalonan a/n: **Lovely progress, isn't it? Thanks for those who reviewed our first chapter, the number of people who reviewed really is overwhelming. Pepz on FOX Boards, I miss you. And know what? HOUSE MD will finally be shown in our country on local channels, yay! That'll mean House MD will gain more Filipino fans than there already was. Plus, I'll convert more HUDDYs as much I can! XD.

**HouseAddiction a/n: **Hey guys! Well that was chapter 2! What'd you all think? Please please PLEASE review! I can see all of you guys that have it on alert but DON'T REVIEW::glares:: Just kidding…XD Hope you guys like it! See you all soon!


	3. Chapter 3

**angcatalonan: Sorry for the delay. It's all my fault. But hey, without the delay it wouldn't be this good. Love us for this and read and review.**

**HA: LOL it's not just her fault. I took my time uploading the chapter too. We were both so busy…T.T But I'm so proud of us for getting this chapter out. XD You should be too. And I hope you all like it. And as she said before, please read and review!!! hugs**

**Thanks to glicine, J Lesley, HuddyTheUltimate15, Shika, AngelEyes2332, Buba, Kitty, HOUSEM.D.FanForever, Mispent Youth, huddyaddicted, ekath, PaulaAbdulChica2007, Little Horatio, kaydee, Inu-midoriko, Gaby, dcloverz, Amy Livingston, MJ, insanehouseaddict, bones.house.love, Charlie Winchester, Huddy4Ever, Kris the fanficaholic, Triple V, thyla, ****AnOnYmOuSiTy, and tvkid84 for all the wonderfully amazing reviews.**

**HA: Oh AnOnYmOuSiTy, I'm sorry I didn't not reply to you but I did receive all of your reviews. I couldn't respond because you replied as an anonymous reader and not as a registered reader. I've spoken to MJ and she told me to tell you that she's flattered but she's sorry, she's already taken.**

**OK now that I'm done with the world's longest A/N, on with the SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!! XD**

**----HA----ac----HA----ac----HA----**

**CHAPTER 3**

Cuddy woke the next morning to the sound of her alarm clock blasting Fall Out Boy in her ear. She slapped at it with a growl until it finally stopped and she rolled out of bed to make herself some coffee and watch the sunrise, as was her morning ritual.

As she slipped from the bed, something fell from her shoulder and plopped on to her pillow.

Why was her phone off the hook?

Suddenly she remembered the late night chat with House. Today was the first day of their bet. And she had been forced into picking him up for work today. 8:30, if she remembered correctly.

Cuddy rolled her eyes and was about to hang up the phone when a weird noise came from it. Her eyes widened in surprise as she put the phone to her ear.

It was still connected to House.

And by the looks of it, he'd fallen asleep that way too. Faint snores were emanating from the receiver.

Cuddy snorted in laughter. She looked at the time. 6:45. Perfect. She grinned evilly.

Well, he'd have to wake up _some time._

**----ac---HA----ac----HA----ac----**

_It was late, probably around midnight, but he was still in his office, poring over one of the many journals and textbooks strewn across his desk. Why he was doing this was beyond him. He knew he was looking for something, but for what?_

_He looked up from the journal as the door opened and had to do a double take._

_Cuddy was standing there wearing only a red silk bra and panties under her white lab coat._

"_I seem to have misplaced my clothes, Dr. House. Can you help me look for them?"_

"_Uh…" For some reason he couldn't think. Cuddy was clogging up his brain._

_He barely registered her as she sauntered over to him. She sat down on the edge of his desk, facing him, and crossed her legs in such a way that he could see up the inside of her leg and…_

_He gulped. Shit._

"_Well, maybe I don't really need help looking for my other clothes," she said in a husky tone that he'd only heard once before. "I really need help misplacing these." She gestured toward her outfit and House's eyes widened._

"_I KNEW IT! You do have the hots for me!"_

_Cuddy grinned and licked her lips. "You're right, as always."_

"_You're just trying to stroke my ego."_

"_That's not the only thing I'm willing to stroke."_

_House choked._

"_Now are you going to help me out or not?"_

"_Hell yes!"_

_As he grabbed her, their mouths came together in a sizzling kiss._

_Hands roaming, he unclipped her bra and removed the offending garment. Cuddy groaned with pleasure and the sound shot right through him. Their lips met again and she began to unbutton his shirt. He kissed down her jaw line and nibbled on her neck._

"_Dr. House?" she breathed._

"_Yes?" he asked, as he continued to make his way down her body._

"_Before we do this, there's one thing I want you to do first." She trailed her fingers down his bare chest and ran them along the waistband of his jeans._

"_Anything."_

"_I need you to–"_

"---GET YOUR ASS OUT OF BED RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME I'LL WEAR TURTLE NECKS TILL I DIE!"

House let out a little yelp and shot up in bed, the sudden movement sending waves of pain through his leg. "SHIT!"

Clutching his thigh, he grabbed the Vicodin bottle from his nightstand and quickly downed two dry. He massaged the area until the pain was no more than just a dull throb, finally hearing the loud, musical laughter pouring from the phone receiver on his bed.

"Cuddy?"

"Good morning, Dr. House. I hope you had a nice sleep."

"Nice sleep. Pfft. You interrupted the most amazing dream ever. You were in it you know."

"Really?"

"Yep. We were in the hospital and you were wearing just a pair of red silk panties and a matching bra and your lab coat and you were so we–"

"If you finish that sentence, I'll take that as you forfeiting the bet, automatically making me the winner."

"What?"

"Did you forget about our bet already, House?"

House cursed softly under his breath. "I…" This was going to be hard.

"Come on. You have to apologize. That's what a _nice_ person would do."

House growled. "I…I'm sorry, Dr. Cuddy," he managed to choke out.

Cuddy laughed victoriously. "I bet you are."

He glared at the phone but managed to keep his voice pleasant. "If I may ask, why did you wake me up _so_ abruptly this morning?"

"If you recall, you requested that I pick you up this morning so you could get to work on time. I was acting as your wake up call since I know that if I just show up at your house you won't be ready and we'll end up being late no matter what."

"Well, wasn't that nice?"

Cuddy grinned. "Is that sarcasm I hear?"

"No. Not at all. I can't _wait_ to get to work today."

She snorted. "I'll see you at 8:30."

He almost hung up when he heard her chuckle. "What, you're not going to say good-bye?"

He rolled his eyes. "Good-bye, Hot Stuff. Can't wait to see you."

**----HA----ac----HA----ac----HA----**

Cuddy heard the click and hung up her own phone before collapsing on to her bed in laughter. This was going to be more fun than she thought. It was heaven to be able to say anything to him and not have to deal with his sarcastic and sometimes hurtful remarks.

She smirked. He was going to get her back for making him apologize to her. He'd told her once that he'd never apologize to someone unless he truly meant it, which is why he rarely did it. And when he did do it, it was such a big shock.

She checked the time. 7:00. Just enough time for a shower. She sauntered over to the bathroom with a little extra hop in her step. This bet was going to be so much fun.

**----ac---HA----ac----HA----ac----**

House scrubbed a hand over his face and turned to the clock. 7:00. Geez, why the hell did she wake him up so earlier? And why was she picking him up so early?

He groaned. Because in a moment of mental instability, he'd asked her to pick him up for work. He'd asked it as a test and she'd passed it with flying colors.

He dragged his ass out of bed and into the shower. He'd need to smell good if Cuddy was going to be picking him up.

**----HA----ac----HA----ac----HA----**

She ran out of her bedroom and down the stairs. She was going to be late. No time for savoring her morning coffee, she'd have to take it with her. She poured it into a travel mug, grabbed her keys from the side table and grabbed her stilettos. She'd have to put them on later.

She hopped into her car and sped away toward House's apartment. She made it there at exactly 8:35. He was already waiting outside for her.

_Shit_.

He slowly hobbled toward the car and slid into the front passenger seat. "You asked me to meet you out here by 8:30, Dr. Cuddy," he said in a sickly sweet voice. "I was waiting for you. Why were you late?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Shut it."

"Hey…that's not very nice."

"Not everyone can be nice all the time."

House turned and stared out the windshield of the car. After a moment, he turned to stare at her. She pretended not to notice the way he was taking in her neat but slightly disheveled appearance. She grabbed her mug and sipped the still hot coffee. He pouted suddenly. "Where's _my_ coffee?"

"Hmmm?" she asked, distractedly.

"I remember asking you last night whether you'd bring me breakfast and coffee."

Cuddy frowned at him. "I don't remember that."

House smiled triumphantly. "You didn't bring me breakfast. You lost."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"When did you ask me?"

"Last night after I asked for a ride."

"Did I answer you?"

House paused for a moment. "Yes."

They stopped at a red light and she turned to him, eyeing him suspiciously. "Are you _lying_ to me, Dr. House? Because that's not very _nice_ of you."

House scowled at her. "Okay, so you _didn't_ answer. You still didn't get me breakfast."

"I didn't have to. I didn't hear the question ergo, I didn't have to do anything."

He pouted and grabbed her coffee. "Well then I'll just have some of yours."

"No, you won't."

House smirked. "Dr. Cuddy, may I _please_ have your coffee?"

Cuddy growled at him. "We can _share_ it."

He took a large gulp and handed it back to her. They took turns passing the cup back and forth between each other till they got to the hospital. He kept taking increasingly larger gulps of the coffee until the cup was over, Cuddy having only gotten three sips. She scowled at him but said nothing.

"_Thank_ you, Dr. Cuddy, for your generosity," he said as he exited the car.

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure. Whatever." She walked into her hospital and stopped as she watched the limping doctor greet almost everyone in the hospital lobby with a crisp and cheerful "_Good morning._"

**----HA----ac----HA----ac----HA----**

"Dr. Cuddy and I are friends, you know."

Cuddy almost dropped the box of Ferrero chocolates in her hands when House's gruff yet mildly pleasant voice startled her. She turned to him slightly and gave him a warning look before turning back to the man in front of her, a single dad who had been expressing his great appreciation for her hand in helping his son enter a rehabilitation program for post-cancer patients. "You really don't have to do this. You're too kind."

House rolled his eyes before continuing. "And being her friend, I know for a fact that she doesn't eat chocolates. She usually eats yogurt, sugar-free yogurt."

Cuddy glared at House slightly. "That's not _nice_, House. We're talking," she said from the corner of her mouth, hoping that House would get the idea and leave.

"Oh, it's OK, Dr. Cuddy. I'll just take this box of chocolates back and exchange for a pint of sugar-free vanilla yogurt," said the grateful dad.

Cuddy shook her head as she watched the man walk away with her favorite chocolates under his arm, dying to call him back. She threw House a pissed-off glare and muttered something under her breath.

"What? I wasn't _not_ nice," House replied defensively.

"Damn it. I wanted that chocolate."

"Oh, _I _didn't know that. Will you forgive me, Dr. Cuddy, for making such an honest mistake?" he said, his face radiating an air of smugness.

Cuddy chuckled slightly but said "Yes".

"Really?"

"YES."

**----ac----HA----ac----HA----ac----**

"Dr. Cuddy and I are friends, you know."

Cuddy sighed. "Oh my god, not again."

"We aren't just friends…we're really, really _good _friends." House placed his thumb and index finger into a circle and used his other pointer finger to show just how close they were.

"We are _not_ friends." Cuddy smiled at the restaurant cashier as she paid for their lunch bill. She didn't actually have a choice because House had asked her earlier if he could go out to lunch with her. Her temper almost reached its dangerous point when House trailed of the sentence and added that she be the one to pay for lunch. Of course, she couldn't just say "no" to him, not that he's irresistible or anything…stupid bet.

"She is _so_ lying. We are _so_ close. We've been best friends since college."

"We are not best friends."

"Yes we are."

"We are not."

"We are."

"---not."

The cashier frowned at them and was about to ask whether they were going to pay with a credit card or cash when House turned to her again.

"You want some proof? She has a tattoo on–" House said to the waitress.

"Don't. Even. Think. About it."

House turned to her again and gave her a look that could only be described as a look of pure innocence with a dab of evil. "Dr. Cuddy, we _are_ friends right?"

Cuddy sighed exasperatedly but said "yes" with a contradictory facial expression.

"We are the best-est buddies in the entire universe---"

Cuddy shook her head fast.

"---right?"

Cuddy groaned inwardly but replied with another "yes" while shaking her head no. The cashier seemed to get tired of the two of them and went in the back to find someone else to man the register while they were there.

**----HA----ac----HA----ac----HA----**

Later on, House snuck out from behind a potted plant and slowly approached Wilson, who was standing at the Nurse's Station, filling out charts. He stood there, suspiciously tapping his fingers on the desk. Wilson looked at him. "What are you doing?"

"Waiting."

"For what?"

"Not what, Jimmy, but who."

"Who then?"

Just then, Cuddy walked around the corner toward her office. As soon as she was within earshot, House exclaimed, "Hey Jimmy-boy! Did you know that Dr. Cuddy and I are_ friends_?"

Wilson threw House a disbelieving stare. He stared back. "What? Do you not believe me?" He turned to Cuddy to force her to confirm it but before he could even open his mouth Cuddy let out a fast 'yes' with an accompanying 'whatever.' She was about to scurry away before House could do anymore damage but suddenly she had an idea. She turned and sauntered over to Wilson.

"Dr. Wilson, that's a really nice tie you have there. Is it a new one? Haven't seen it before."

House's eyes widened and he swore under his breath when he saw Wilson blush.

"Thank you, Dr. Cuddy. I rather like that shirt on you. Red is definitely your color."

Cuddy smiled and House's eyes narrowed. "Are you two flirting?" he asked accusingly.

"Yes," Cuddy answered, flat out…of course.

Wilson blushed again and House made a face.

Cuddy held back a snicker and continued. "I can't get over how handsome you look in it."

"W-well, t-t-thank you," Wilson answered, stroking his blue checkered tie.

"When did Wilson start looking handsome in a blue checkered tie? He's almost _always_ wearing a blue checkered tie!"

Both Cuddy and Wilson gave him a questioning look. He just shrugged his shoulders. It was one of those days when he knew that the two of them are ganging up on him. Only this time, Wilson was as clueless as he was while Cuddy…Cuddy was up to something.

"Can you do me a favor, Dr. Wilson? Will you please buy a tie for me? I have this party to attend to and I'm not good with picking up gifts for men…"

"No, SERIOUSLY?" House blurted out.

Wilson glared at him. "Sure. I'd be more than willing to accompany you–"

"Oh, but the thing is…I don't have the_ time_ to go tie shopping. As much as I want to, I can't. You know, board meeting here, then another meeting with the affiliates and possible benefactors there. I just don't have time."

House watched the scene playing out before him. Cuddy was playing him and Wilson and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Oh… I know. " Wilson said, slightly disappointed, but he'd already said yes. There was no getting out of it now. Anyway, she was still his boss. Doing her favors was one way of sucking up. "How many do you need?"

"Two. Oh no, three. Buy yourself another one. I'll pay," Cuddy said, handing him her credit card. She smiled slightly. "I really do honestly like when you wear that one."

"I _really _do _honestly_ like when you wear that one," mimicked House in Cuddy's flirty tone under his breath. He had to get his rudeness out somehow. And he didn't want Cuddy to overhear or he'd lose.

"I don't think giving that to me is a good idea," Wilson said, pushing Cuddy's credit card back at her while eyeing House out of the corner of his eye. "He'd probably steal it out of my wallet and proceed to buy a year's supply of porn or something."

"Don't worry. Dr. House wouldn't do _anything_ stupid with my credit card, now that he has developed a new set of _core values_," Cuddy said pointedly. She grinned broadly. "As a matter of fact, why don't you bring House with you?"

House's eyes widened in realization. "Oh my God. This was your plan all along, wasn't it?"

"House, please go with Wilson. You two _are_ best friends, right? Best friends are nice to each other. They do things together like shopping and watching soap operas."

Wilson blushed for the third time.

"But–"

"Go tie shopping with him. And pick up one for yourself while you're there."

"No way."

"House," Wilson said, "I really do think it's a good idea for you to go with me. I'm gonna need your input since you think that all my ties suck."

"Go ahead, House. That's what a _good _friend would do."

House threw her a deadly look. "A good friend would go TIE SHOPPING?"

Cuddy grinned. "Of course."

"I'd rather die alone."

Cuddy coughed.

"I mean…I can't wait."

**----ac----HA----ac----HA----ac----**

Cuddy shut her front door, dropped all her things by the door and made her way to the fridge where a cold bottle of champagne was waiting for her. She grabbed the bottle and a champagne flute and made her way to the living room. She'd been saving the bottle for a special occasion and this seemed like a perfect opportunity.

She'd gotten House good today. She felt as victorious and happy as she'd felt when she'd received the results of her Medical Bar Exam and saw that her name was at the top. And House's glaring face as Wilson dragged him out of the hospital lobby had been priceless.

"Tomorrow is only Friday. I still have to go to office," she reminded herself as she poured a glass. "This probably isn't a good idea but–" She gulped the glass down. "Mmmm…that's good." She poured another glass and drank that one as well, getting tipsier as the number of glasses increased.

"I still have paperwork to do, meetings to attend to…blah…blah…blah…" she said as she pulled out strawberry ice cream, Corn Flakes, and a bowl and spoon.

She took alternate shots of champagne, scoops of ice cream and spoonfuls of corn flakes until just the thought of House's face made her giggle madly. That's when she knew she had to stop drinking. She gradually made her way to the stairs when there was a loud knock on her door.

Cuddy frowned. It was nearly midnight. Who could possibly be at the door this late? Cuddy went to answer the door and in her tipsy-state, forgot to look through the peephole before opening it. She swung the door open and before she could even register who was at the door, the man had forced his way inside her home and closed the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, putting her hands on her hips.

"I see that you're ovulating," said the man, gesturing toward the strawberry ice cream and champagne still out on her table.

"You look like House," Cuddy said.

He rolled his eyes. "I AM House." He eyed her suspiciously. "And you're _drunk_."

"Mhmm..." Cuddy said, making her way upstairs.

"Ok. So since you didn't shoo me out, I take it that I'm welcome here, right?"

"Sure," she said, her voice a vague echo from upstairs.

House smirked and pulled his travelling bag into her living room before locking the doors.

He slowly made his way upstairs and stood in the doorway watching her get ready for bed. She'd already changed into a pair of shorts and a large t-shirt and he cursed himself for missing that. "Soo…" She looked up at the sound of his voice. "I can stay here with you then?"

Cuddy sighed. "Well I can't say no, can I?"

House shrugged happily. "Nope."

"Exactly." She walked over to her bathroom and began to brush her teeth.

He made his way over to her bathroom and leaned against the doorway. "So…what do you say to sleeping together?"

Cuddy's eyes widened and she sucked in a breath, inhaling some of the toothpaste that was in her mouth. She began to cough loudly, spitting out the toothpaste into the sink.

Fuck.

She washed out her mouth, flossed, dried her hands and exited the bathroom, continuing her preparations for bed. She needed time to think about this.

"Cuddy."

She had to get around this somehow.

"Cuddy?"

They couldn't _actually_ sleep together. No way.

"Cuddy?!"

She turned around quickly. "What?" she snapped.

"I asked you a question."

"I know that."

"And?"

If she said no she'd lose and that was not an option. But if she said yes…NO! NO! That was NOT an option either.

"Cuddy…"

"Yeah…"

"Yeah what?"

"Yeah I'll sleep with you."

**----HA----ac----HA----ac----HA----**

**HA: Ok…so what'd ya think? And please don't throw any vegetables at us. Cliffies rule! XD Please read and review!**


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